god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Well I just put wine in my tea
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
