I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
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