if i can run in heels then i can drive
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
