Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize