I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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