my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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