There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
