____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize