I hope mine doesn't look like that
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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