It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
