I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize