When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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