I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
