If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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