I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
