so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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