hell yes lets make some ravioli
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
