well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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