Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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