on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
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