I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
