so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
