her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
