he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
he was CRYING into my vagina
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
