do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
