You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
