Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
