Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize