Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
