and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
