The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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