I'm really into asian looking animals
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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