can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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