I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
