Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
