Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Is it because I queefed?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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