i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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