So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
