Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
