so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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