She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
