i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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