dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Actions speak louder than pants.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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