when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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