Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
The air taste purple.
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