HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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