I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
