Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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