just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
