I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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