Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
