He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
