That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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