Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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