Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
