it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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