hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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