I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
