i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
