Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
