Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
where am i from again
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize