we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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