i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
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