Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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