i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
