got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
