This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
