Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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