the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
