Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
