I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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