her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
