Do you still have your period?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
