You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
