dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
