She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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