This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize