I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
