Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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