every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
