he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize