Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
