You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
