i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm sobbing to NWA
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
