What did we do last night that was yellow?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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