i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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