Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just gargled with NyQuil
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
