My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
