Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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