I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
