Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
