why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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