these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
